Cat, dog, chickens, one-syllable slogans, dentists

I made more salmon and courgette tagliatelle than I could eat. I shared the leftovers with my neighour’s cat, dog and chickens. The cat ate only the salmon, the chickens ate the salmon and the tagliatelle, the dog ate everything. The dog made friends with me for life, the chickens were puzzled, the cat looked at me as if I had offered to pay for dinner at the Ritz with food vouchers.

 

People who vote for politicians who campaign for office on one-syllable slogans can expect their lives to be shaken up after the election in inverse proportion to the length of the campaign slogans.

 

I opened wide, as instructed. The dentist examined both sides of my wallet and said that my Master Card was impacted, and that in order to expose it he would have to make some space on my Visa.

Atheism

It is not true, as is sometimes said, that man cannot organise the world without God. What is true is that, without God, he can only organise it against man. - Henri de Lubac

Retort

 

Whereas with God, man can only organize the world against the woman.

 

Atheism turns out to be too simple. If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that it has no meaning. – C. S. Lewis

 

Retort

 

The logic of this statement is the same as in: if there is no God, how come we have a word for “god” in our language?

 

How to trap an atheist: Serve him a nice meal, then ask him if he believes there is a cook. – Unknown

 

Retort 1

 

How to trap a believer? Take him to Auschwitz.

 

Retort 2

 

How to trap a believer? Ask him what it is he doesn’t believe in and why?

Understanding Symbolic Logic, Virginia Klenk, Pearson Prentice Hall, 5th ed., 2008, Unit 8: 7(j), p. 173

 

1.     F ⊃ (~ G ⊃ ~ F) 2.     ~ (H ⊃ G) 3.     ~ (H • W) 4.     A ⊃ (S • W) ∴ ~ (A v F) 5.     F ⊃ (F ⊃ G) 6.     (F • F) ⊃ G 7.     F ⊃ G 8.     ~ (~ H v G) 9.     H • ~ G 10. ~ G • H 11. ~ G 12. ~ F 13. ~ H v ~ W 14. H 15. ~ W 16. ~ W v ~ S 17. ~ S v ~ W 18. ~ (S • W) 19. ~ A 20. ~ A • ~ F 21. ~ (A v F)

1 Trans 5 Exp 6 Taut 2 Impl 8 DM 9 Com 10 Simp 7,11 MT 3 DM 9 Simp 13,14 DS. 15 Add 16 Com 17 DM 4,18 MT 12,19 Conj 20 DM

Quitting drinking, money mystery, cat and canary

In giving up drinking, you eliminate a host of vices at a stroke. Let’s name a few: reaching for the bottle, hitting the bottle, taking to the bottle.

I have finally cracked the money mystery. If the first premise is: ‘Money is the root of all evil,’ and the conclusion is: ‘Money doesn’t grow on trees,’ what is the missing premise? The missing premise is: No trees are evil.

 

The canary says it is feeling more relaxed now that the cat has told it it’s going to respect the charter of human rights.

Atheists, measuring, democracy

All thinking men are atheists. – Ernest Hemingway

Retort 1

 

But the converse is not true: not all atheists are thinking men.

 

Retort 2

 

And the harder they think, the more time they devote to thinking of proof for the absence of God.

 

If you can't measure it, you can't manage it.

 

Retort

 

The question is whether you measure what is relevant or only what is capable of being measured.

 

When a stupid government is elected in a democratic country, the best thing about this is that you learn the number of stupid people in that country. – Mehmet Murat Ildan

 

Retort

 

A lack of guarantee that a wise government will be elected each time is the strongest argument for democracy.

 

Understanding Symbolic Logic, Virginia Klenk, Pearson Prentice Hall, 5th ed., 2008, Unit 8: 7(i), p. 173

 

1.     ~ B ⊃ ~ (S • T) 2.     ~ S ≡ (P v O) 3.     ~ [P v (~T v O)] 4.     ~ A ⊃ P ∴ A • B 5.     ~ P • ~ (~ T v ~ O) 6.     ~ P • T • ~ O 7.     ~ P 8.     A 9.     [~ S ⊃ (P v O)] • [(P v O) ⊃ ~ S] 10. ~ O • ~ P • T 11. ~ O • ~ P 12. ~ P • ~ O 13. ~ (P v O) 14. ~ S ⊃ (P v O) 15. S 16. T • ~ O • ~ P 17. T 18. S • T 19. B 20. A • B

3 DM 5 DM 6 Simp 4,7 MT 2 Equiv 6 Com 10 Simp 11 Com 12 DM 9 Simp 13,14 MT 10 Com 16 Simp 15,17 Conj 1,18 MT 8,19 Conj

2020, 2020 holiday adventure

2020 – the year of perfect vision in which, from a distance of 20 paces, you could see 19 people anywhere you looked advancing towards you, 20 of whom spread disease

2020 – the year of perfect vision in which you discovered that as choices narrowed vision improved

 

2020 – the year of perfect vision in which, bent over and staring up your bowel, you could see a face mask blocking the light at the other end

 

2020 – the year of perfect vision in which, anyone lucky enough to get an opticians’ appointment, could see from a distance of 20 paces that the eye chart letters spell snafu exactly 20 times

 

2020 holiday adventure – Feverish, breathless, odourless, flat-bottom boat trips up Shit Creek. Paddle not supplied. Book now.

Narcissist, feedback, trains, dentist

The word feedback is the best gift the English language has given to the narcissist. 

There are two classes of travel on the trains I travel on: upwind from the toilet and downwind from the toilet. 

 

I opened wide, as instructed. The dentist surveyed my open wallet, said the coin cavity required attention but not until he cleaned out the card slots first.

Understanding Symbolic Logic, Virginia Klenk, Pearson Prentice Hall, 5th ed., 2008, Unit 8: 7(h), p.173

 

1.     (A ⊃ B) ⊃ ~ (C ⊃ D) 2.     ~ (A v F) ∴ ~ (D v F) 3.     ~ A • ~ F 4.     ~ A 5.     ~ A v B 6.     A ⊃ B 7.     ~ (C ⊃ D) 8.     ~ (~ C v D) 9.     C • ~ D 10. ~ D • C 11. ~ D 12. ~ F • ~ A 13. ~ F 14. ~ D • ~ F 15. ~ (D v F)

2 DM 3 Simp 4 Add 5 Impl 1,6 MP 7 Impl 8 DM 9 Com 10 Simp 3 Com 12 Simp 11,13 Conj 14 DM

Turning the other cheek, enemy, moles

When a Christian turns the other cheek, I immediately suspect it is part of some grand scheme to defeat the enemy.

When a Christian turns the other cheek, I immediately suspect he is up to something.

 

Love thy enemy as you love your neighbour, ideally – introduce one to the other.

 

I enjoy finding errors in the Bible. For example, Mathew 5:5 should read: ‘Blessed are the moles, for they shall inherit the earth.’

Middle of the road, democracy

Standing in the middle of the road is very dangerous; you get knocked down by the traffic from both sides. – Margaret Thatcher

 

Retort 1

 

But unlike from the roadside, you may be able to spot the danger coming from a long way off.

 

Retort 2

 

From the middle of the road, it’s half the distance to safety as it is from the wrong side to the right side of the road if you happen to have chosen badly.

Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. ― James Bovard

 

Retort 1

 

Spare us the good shepherd who, after dining on the proceeds from the sheep’s life-long service, sends the entire flock to the slaughter.

 

Retort 2

 

The sheep is damned but the wolves may well take heed that, next time round, the less bloodthirsty of the two will be on the menu.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.  – Winston Churchill

 

Retort 1

 

Between speaking truth to ignorance and speaking truth to power, you have your work cut out for the rest of your life or your life cut short for a trifle.

 

Retort 2

 

A five-minute conversation with an autocrat is called an audience, where the voter listens while the autocrat speaks, and five minutes is what is left thereafter of the voter’s life.

Understanding Symbolic Logic, Virgina Klenk, Pearson Prentice Hall, 5th ed., 2008, Unit 8: 7(g), p. 173

1.     (A v F) ⊃ ~ (B • ~ G) 2.     ~ (B ⊃ G) 3.     ~ S ⊃ (~ T ⊃ A) 4.     T ⊃ F ∴ ~ (S ⊃ ~ B) 5.     ~ (~ B v G) 6.     B • ~ G 7.     ~ (A v F) 8.     ~ A • ~ F 9.     ~ F • ~ A 10. ~ F 11. ~ T 12. ~ A 13. ~ T • ~ A 14. ~ ~ ~ T • ~ A 15. ~ (~ ~ T v A) 16. ~ (~ T ⊃ A) 17. S  18. B 19. S • B 20. ~ ~ S • B 21. ~ ~ S • ~ ~ B 22. ~ (~ S v ~ B) 23. ~ (S ⊃ ~ B)

2 Impl 5 DM 1,6 MT 7 DM 8 Com 9 Simp 4,10 MT 8 Simp 11,12 Conj 13 DN 14 DM 15 Impl 3,16 MT 6 Simp 17,18 Conj 19 DN 20 DN 21 DM 22 Impl